"Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."

Well, I promised [myself when I started this blog] to be honest; to be personal. At this time when so many people are leaving the ship, and so many of my friends are hurting, I am forced - daily - to face this stark reminder of my own aversion to pain. Maybe you can relate. Maybe you can't. But it must risk being said if others are to benefit from it. This bit of writing would go in my MK book:

"I'm scared to love. I'm scared of a break-up or you leaving me or me leaving you. It's a risk that I might get hurt. I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to say good-bye (both of these are forms of good-bye). I know how much it hurts. And from my life I've learned the way you can avoid pain is, don't get emotionally attached - that is don't love - in the first place. Problem is, here's the hypothesis I've come up against: you must let yourself love to truly live. But is it worth the risk? Sometimes my mind is trying to convince my heart of what it itself does not believe - that the famous quote "It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" is true.

I don't mean to preach, but Jesus had a choice to take the risk or not. What blows my mind is He knew that it would hurt him - ultimately his choice to love killed him. But he still chose to love. Because of that we can love and in so doing have life and have it to the fullest.

I've built a wall around my heart, though now brick by brick I've started throwing them down. But letting myself love-? That would be like bringing a bulldozer in.

But, maybe, it's time... I let love have a chance."

Maybe this was too many hours to think on watch on the gangway at night.... Hmmm. I always get a lot of inspiration on these quiet lonely watches. In any case, I'm hungry and need to go to bed.

No Greater Love

Tonight at worship night we were singing the song that goes “You have won my heart…” and one of the singers pointed out that often we focus on “have we given God our hearts, etc. etc.”, but do we ask “has God won my heart?”

I think of all the things guys do (can do) that would/do sweep me off my feet, win my heart, or at least make me notice them.  The little gifts they make for us, the time they spend doing something special with or for us.  Not even big things and us girls fall like crazy for them.   

All this time there’s someone else competing - striving, working so hard!, to try and win our hearts – God.

He took me to 70 feet (21m) under the sea and with a sweep of his arm said, “I created all this beauty that not many see… all of this! - for my own great pleasure, and for you to enjoy.”  Then he took me up to the top of the mountain where the air was fresh and the breeze blew my hair; I laughed and sang and ran, and nearly burst from the shear richness of LIFE!  (Who made it rich?  Who gave it to me in the first place?)  Then we looked down over the city below.  “Do you enjoy this world I made for you to live in?  I made if for you.” All for me!  Just me and him!  Because I’m special to him!  And when I was out to sea where you can see no land no matter how far you look, he declared his undying love; “as wide as the ocean stretches, you can never be separated from my love!”  He has stuck with me through thick and thin, good days and bad, a strong support to lean on when I’m hurting, someone to gently guide me through pain. He is a prince – not prince charming, but Prince of Peace – riding on a white horse with a castle in the sky and a kingdom that will last forever.     

So much God has done, so much he has given us, is it not enough?  Yet we brush it aside as if it were nothing, and turn around and allow ourselves to be swept off our feet by pathetically little.  Heart breaking, He’s crying out, “Have I won your heart?!”

When my face falls because somehow yet I am unsatisfied, he says, as with every other time I have offended him in our relationship, “It does not matter.  So far as the east is from the west, so much have I forgiven you.”

Near exasperation He shakes his head.  “What more can I do?  How can I show you--?  My love for you is so great…” and we walked together up the hill.  “I love you this much,” he said, and stretched out his arms... and gave up his life for me.

Deckie 'Thought of the Day'

It's all too easy to look around at how others are living and compared to them... we're doing o.k.  We're not the best kids in class, the idolized examples - teacher's pets, but we're not the worst either - the ones always testing their limits and getting into trouble.  Just somewhere in between.  It's comfortable here in the middle.  People aren't watching you, pointing and saying, "See?  Be more like her" or watching waiting to catch you in your next defiant act as "the bad boy."  People don't really notice you.  You can blend in.  Go with the flow...  Everyone is five (or 10 or 15) minutes late; it's just ship culture.  So I'll be five minutes late too!

Bummer I read this verse:

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity.

1 Tim. 4:12

"SET AN EXAMPLE???!"  But that means I have to stand out!  That means I have to stand up, and live to this higher standard-!  Let's look at the five aspects we're to set an example in.

1. SPEECH 

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Eph. 4:29

2. LIFE

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.  Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.  Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.

1 Peter 2:9, 11-12

In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.

2 Tim. 3:12

He didn't say it would be easy.

Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.  Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments because you know they produce quarrels.  And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.

2 Tim. 2:22-24

3. LOVE

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive, as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Colossians 3:12-14

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Eph. 5:1-2

4. FAITH

Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given to you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance.  But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."

1 Peter 1:13-16

Dictionary definition of holy:  Holy: morally or spiritually excellent

5. PURITY

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.  Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk, or course joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.

Eph. 5:3-4

Look at the words I've put in bold; 'any'... 'only'... 'SUCH good lives'... 'not even a hint'.  Doesn't leave much room for a grey area.

Finally, brothers we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living.  Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more.

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.  The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you.  

For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.  Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.

1 Thess. 4:1, 3-8

God has called us to live to a higher standard than the world.  Everyone is five minutes late.  Make it, everyone is five minute late, except one - YOU.  Dare to be different.  Dare to model the life that most of us truly desire to have.  Be five minutes early.  Don't be satisfied with a life that's just ok... there is NO LIMIT to the high standard we can strive for.

Go ahead!  Sit in the front!  Don't wear that right-on-the-edge low cut top.  Walk out on that movie.  God has given us the power in his Holy Spirit; why settle for less?!

DAY 3 (final day) - Home for Christmas

AMAZING day!!!  Today it was overcast, so not so blisteringly hot-like-you're-in-an-oven, which was beautiful.  It even rained once or twice!

Lots more shoveling, lots more sand.  I even got to do the wheelbarrow on the precarious wooden plank ramps!

But my special story of the day is about a little boy.  I say little because he was extremely small for his age and very skinny.  Dark skinned, looking Indian/African origin... you can never quite tell the mix - that's Guyana.  As well as I could understand, his name was Paw-Paw and he said he was eleven years old.  He was watching us at the building site with no shoes and no shirt; all alone from wherever he had come from.  He said his house was "just over there" and pointed in a very vague direction.  When it started to rain, he scurried under the nearest house on stilts for shelter.  I think God made that rain just for me because then I had an extra 10 min. break to go and sit with him and share some of my lunch (well before lunchtime) - a tactful way of making sure he got something to eat today.  I wonder if he gets even one good meal a day...  The rain stopped and I went back to work and he soon started down the now-muddy dirt road.  The wide sky above was the only other one who saw the empty, open space, a few shanties on stilts dotting the grassy overgrown landscape and one lone boy walking away; no shirt, no shoes and a smile.  He looked back and waved.   

We finished early, at noon, because the Habitat guys wanted to take us around to see a bit of the city.  We drove through the squatters' "houses" made of corrugated steel, tarps, wood scraps, and whatever else was at hand at the time.  They were packed together so tightly... our driver and guides were discussing whether the whole area would flood again this year...  We saw the statue dedicated to the slaves, another mark of their pain and the long road it's taken to get to the place of having a free nation.  And finally we went to "the end of Guyana," the Atlantic ocean (as if we'd never seen the Atlantic before - only 14 days crossing it! :P) and watched as the tide came in. 

So that was my my first Help Challenge Team.

...Dear Mommy, I might not be home for Christmas, but I helped build a house so that someone else will HAVE a home for Christmas.

DAY 2

PICTURES!!!!!

Today we worked to fill the foundation in with sand to ready it for the poured cement floor.  373 wheelbarrows full to be exact, the boys counted!   

Personally, I struggled this morning to see the purpose in what I was doing, since I worked all day "landscaping" while others worked on the sand.  Smoothing out piles of dirt by hand which could have been done by machine so quickly and effortlessly without really seeing the need to do it in the first place...  *mental reminder: This is the third world - manual labour!!!*  The part that frustrated me was we didn't even have the proper tools to do it by hand.  I certainly understand the curse on the ground of painful toil and the sweat of our brow! :P  (But the day did get better!)

One neat thing today was we got to meet the new owners of the house, an elderly couple (he's deaf) and their son will be living with them as well.

We had a lot of fun today as a team.  Just please don't mention sand!

The pictures aren't uploading because the internet isn't a fast enough connection for them tonight.  Sorry! :(

DAY 1!

We piled into a van in the sweltering heat; no seat belts, windows open, dust blowing in, bouncing around down the dirt roads to the build site.  Expectant.  Hopeful.

We built the foundation.  It was my first time to lay blocks and try to mimic how the professional bricklayers I intriguingly watched when I was a child used their trowel so effortlessly.  I learned the difference between cement and concrete - would have thought I would have known that before!  Learned in the best way possible for a kinesthetic learner; mixing it by hand!  The sun was pretty scorching, but I did my best not to get burned (i.e. I took a LOT of teasing for my long sleeves!).

The contractor as well as the Habitat for Humanity overseer are Christians, but the other workers are not.

All in all it was a good day, though a bit tiring from the sun, but of course I still had enough energy to swing dance tonight! :)

There will be pictures soon!  

Don't build your house on the sand... (even if you are in the Caribbean!)

Dear friends,

Would you please pray for me the next three days?  We are going out to build a house!  As 10 deckies, we are really excited about this opportunity to use our love of working with our hands to bless the people of Guyana in such a practical way!  We're not quite sure what to expect, but we do know one thing - without prayer, nothing will happen (except the enemy will win)! 

Today is our preparation day for this "Challenge Team" and we just finished watching several inspiring episodes of Tim Scott and Will Decker "Travel the Road" - with a purpose to share the gospel!  http://www.traveltheroad.com  Watching them go into the slums of India and the warzones of Africa taking only the clothes on their back, a camera to document their journey, and a love for Jesus really motivated me.  They did what they could to help the people and preached wherever they went.  We're ON FIRE FOR JESUS! and boy, am I excited about this Help team!  "Jesus that is in me is greater than the devil that is in the world!"

You can pray for us by name -
Ryan (USA) - team leader
Daniel (Australia)
Adam (Australia)
Gabriel (Brazil)
Lydie (Switzerland)
Samy (Germany)
Ruben (Mexico)
Tim (N. Ireland)
Justin (USA)
and myself

Pray-
->for teamwork, that we would be a great example of different cultures unified in Christ
->for safety and health (NO malaria or bad sunburn or food poisoning!)
->that we could really connect and share with the locals and have great opportunities to give out the gospels of John

On fire for Him!,
Naomi

Logos Hope Adventure Nov. 24, 2009

GUYANA. 

MALARIA PILLS.  EXTRA SECURITY.  AIDS.  ...welcome to Guyana!

We're told lots of things sailing to this new and unknown and we're not quite sure what to expect in this first (and only at this time) port in South America.  Guyana has a population of 922,942. 43% of the population says they are Christian, 33% are Hindu and 8.7% Muslim.  The exciting thing in this port is that for the first time we are really bringing out the "Help" part of "Knowledge, Help, and Hope."  Almost half of ship's company has the opportunity to go on a Challenge Team or Help Team during our three weeks there, bringing practical aid to the people.  I will be part of a team that will be working with Habitat for Humanity to build houses!  I volunteered with Habitat for several days in the States last year, and now I get to do it in another country! :)

So, here we go, rocking and rolling a bit because the port (left side) stabilizer is not working, and taking our malaria tablets.  Gearing up for... [enter scary music] ...GUYANA!  We should arrive tomorrow in the capitol, Georgetown.

PRAISE...
-God for a great Sabbath week where ship's company was able to rest and refocus on God and have good teaching sessions by pastor Gary Simons.  For me was a time to slow down and not think about my job, but focus on my life.  It was a good reminder that our LIVES are supposed to be worship. (Rom. 12:1)  Please pray that every aspect of my life would be pleasing to Jesus.  It's all to easy to compromise or think He doesn't care about [a certain aspect], but actually He has called us to live pure lives and we can always live to a higher standard.
-That I do not get seasick!  This is a BIG praise - I am so blessed!  Today is my off day and as soon as I finish this I'm running off to go take care of a bunch of the toddlers who's moms aren't feeling so hot.

PLEASE PRAY...
-For the many who are seasick onboard.  There is also some kind of flu/virus going around, as well as side effects from the Malaria tablets we're all taking to keep us from dying (haha!), so put together, about 80% of us are sick.
-That the Challenge/Help teams would be able a blessing to the people of Guyana and a great way to share God's love.
-That I would stay safe and healthy while in Guyana.
-That no one would catch Malaria!
-That we could really reach out to the Hindu and Muslim population and that God would give us the right words to say so we wouldn't offend them

Off to take a Malaria pill and play with the kiddos!

The privilege to walk alone and Thoughts on ministry

I walked alone off the ship for the first time today in more than four months.  It was a glorious (and a bit scary!?) 10 minutes of freedom.  Normally it is unsafe - for girls especially - to go anywhere by yourself here in the Caribbean; we have to go in pairs or large groups.  But in this port we are allowed to go out alone on the main road during daylight.  =D

Here is a thought-provoking quote I read today:

"Ministry isn't about telling people what you think their problem is, or putting them in what you think is their place.  Ministry is making room in  your life -- and in your heart -- for people.

Many people have done a lot of talking at me, and a lot of them had some really good points.  Didn't matter.  I was only ever deeply changed by those who called me part of their family, despite the inconvenience, despite what anyone thought."  --http://www.boundless.org

Ministry is caring about people.  The lost in a third world country, supporters back home, your family, the homeless, a hurting friend... it makes no difference.  If you take time to invest in them and encourage them, that is ministry.  Life is about relationships.  In the end, that's all that will matter.  Don't let it pass you by.

Logos Hope Adventure (e-mail update) Nov. 15, 2009

AT ANCHOR

Hello from Logos Hope in Barbados!  Boy, am I glad to say "from Barbados" instead of from at anchor!  This port has definitely been a challenge.  We arrived in Barbados the end of October, but several days after arriving we had to move out to anchor because the swell (the sea was too rough) was making it unsafe for us to stay tied up alongside.  This was a disappointment for a lot of the crew, myself included, because we couldn't be open to the public doing ministry as we had hoped.  After the swell died down a grain ship came in to the berth to unload, so we stayed sitting at anchor for more than a week.  It's hard to see why God let this happen - us "losing" so many days that we weren't in port and no one could get books and having to cancel all the events that were planned for the people of Barbados.  However, we were able to lower several lifeboats during this time to shuttle people to land and God did some really great things through these teams that went out every day.

When we finally could come in from anchor, we had to shift berths several times to pick up our vans, load a container, get fresh water, and discharge used water.  (And moving the ship is not quite as simple as it sounds - we have to fire up our engines ahead of time, tie everything down ready to sail, and get everyone from on land back onboard, etc.).  For our whole time at anchor we had to conserve water; the last day we were so low the rule was "no laundry, no showers."  The latter not a very fun prospect after a hard day of work getting really dirty!  When our internet completely went out too, we felt like "real missionaries!"  After moving four times in two days, we are now in our proper berth again and open to the public for our last four days in this port!


GRANDMA AND GRANDPA'S VISIT!!!

One very exciting thing for me that happened while at anchor was Grandma and Grandpa Nelson coming to visit!  Despite some transportation complications - getting to a ship that's sitting in the middle of the sea - they made it and we had a fantastic time together!  Unfortunately they didn't get to see us actively in ministry because of being at anchor, but they did get to experience community life onboard.  It was a very special four days with them!!!


THE MUSLIM MAN WITH A CANE

In the last port, St. Lucia, we presented "The Mark Drama" - a very powerful 75 min. presentation of the life and ministry of Jesus taken straight from the gospel of Mark and acted out in a "theater-in-the-round."  The doors opened... and we waited.  A few people trickled in - late, typical for Caribbean culture.  I noticed one interesting man come in.  He was older, with a big white beard and a very intricately carved cane.  I helped seat him and his wife, wondering who he was and where he was in his walk with Christ... if he even knew Jesus.  We started, with only 45 people in the audience instead of the up to 250 we could have had.  Though a bit disappointed there were only so few, we prayed that the people here were ones who really needed to hear what we were about to present.  Now, several others had noticed this man (he WAS a bit of a unique character!) and after the drama, when everyone else had left, he and his wife kept sitting there.  So I went to speak to them.  I asked them if they liked the drama and with tears in her eyes his wife said, "Yes, yes, thank you so much.  I brought my husband tonight to see what it is that I believe and it was just what he needed to hear.  He's a Muslim and I'm a Christian."  If we did the whole drama only for the Muslim man with a cane, it was worth it.

THANK the Lord:
-that we are back from anchor and can be open for the people of Barbados
-that Grandma and Grandpa could come visit!!!

PLEASE PRAY:
-for the Muslim man with the cane, that he would come to know Jesus as the only way to be saved
-that many people would come visit these last few days in this port
-that the sea would stay calm so we could stay in port these last three days
-for the upcoming "Sabbath week" for ship's company; that we would rest and be refreshed and have good teaching times

Happy Thanksgiving to all the Americans!  I have LOTS to be thankful for, do you?

Swing Dance!

Please pray...
->that each day I would wake up passionate
        to serve God!
->that I would grow closer in my
        walk with Him
->that I would work hard in my job
->be disciplined to have personal
         quiet time every day
->that God would continually
        put people in my path who
                I can share Christ with

THANK YOU  for praying for me!

For the ministry...
->that we could help each person that comes onboard
take "ONE STEP CLOSER TO JESUS!"
->that  many people would come to the ship
->for energy and strength
->health for all the crew
->safety


THANK YOU for your
SUPPORT
SENDING me out and
STANDING behind me in prayer!

YOU are a part of OM
 Ship ministry!

These are the faces that break your heart...

Bel-Air Children's Home - "You are special!"

Spent all day with the 35 kids who range in age from 1-19; some handicapped.  Originally we thought it was an orphanage, but no, none of the children are actually orphans; they are - which is worse, I think - abandoned or abused.  Rejected by those who should love them the most, these children are starved for touch and affection.  God bless their caretakers who put up with a LOT - trust me, I know.  Our theme?  "You are special!"

Just their Bel-Air pledge shows their pain:

As a resident of Bel-Air

I want to prepare for a better future.

A place with room for you and me.

Where our minds can be safe and free.

With goals that you may try to achieve.

No matter what people may believe.

I have a life to live.

I can help because I am growing.

I am as bright as the sun that shines.

I am as strong as the wind and the rain.

As rich as the deep blue sea.

I can rise, I can try,  I can succeed.

I am going to reach to the top.

And I will, because I believe in me.

These are the faces that break my heart, and haunt my thoughts.  What will become of these children in a few years?

If we brought them smiles, even for a day, then we succeeded.

my little boy

running to greet me

Shondell & me

"SHONDELL"
she says he is a little more than a year
he looks at me
his eyes wide with untold fears
he's old enough but doesn't speak a word
it's too loud for him be heard
left alone in his crib all day
silent he sat
watching the others play

i pick him up
"he is too light" crosses my mind
only six teeth show
can he really be one year old?
do they feed him enough?
does he ever play?
who is there to care for him each day?

what can life have in store?
what future can he have?
doesn't the world care a little more?...
but he doesn't need the world
he just needs someONE.

his name, she says, is Shondell
he was my one-day baby boy.

RIGHT NOW!

This is right now, Sunday evening Aug. 9!  We might break a record!

All these people coming to visit the ship; each one hearing about Jesus. 

This is why we're here.

Kingstown, St. Vincent

Logos Hope - Bringing Knowledge, Help and Hope

our berth in St. Vincent

Special needs Children's Home

They may not have father or mother to care for them and love them, but they have a Father in heaven who sees and is watching over them.  

They have so little; by having three meals a day we have so much.  My heart hurts for these children - what can I do that will "make it better?"  But we give what we can - love, touch, time - to show them that Someone loves them.

They played their hearts out -- to try and raise money to build themselves a new home.

...they are precious in His sight.

The book she's holding is the story of Jesus that we give out to kids.  They are so happy to get a book!

Kid's Programs

Day Off

(l.-r. Nicky and Simon - USA, me, Rosanna - Australia, Tony - South Africa)

Off to spend the day at the white sand beaches on the Grenadine island of Bequia!

The lines of people coming to visit the ship.

My first Hope Team!

Mental Health Centre

their first books!

Telling about our ship and sharing the message of hope.

Annika (Germany) and Kency (far left, India) officially handing over the books to start their new library project! 

with one of the patients 

Registered as a 160 bed centre, they normally have 226+ patients.  Bare cement walls and floor, locked behind bars; about half were barefoot.  Hardly humane living conditions.  The nurses do the best they can with what they have.  But if there are only 160 beds... I don't want to think about where the rest of them sleep...

Pray:

• for all the people in these pictures; the orphans, special needs children, mental patients, and visitors that Logos Hope crew are getting a chance to reach out to
• that they would understand and accept the message of salvation - their only certain hope
• for Hope Teams, a part of the ministry that is just starting up in the Caribbean region.  Pray for creativity and unity in the teams, as we as a team are told where we are going and then must come up with the "program" we are going to do - dramas, music, testimonies, flag parade, ship presentation, etc. - and then present it.  It is a stretching experience, and can be stressful if it is rather spur of the moment.
• for energy for me, each day!
• that I would get many more opportunities to reach out to orphans and children, as this is really my heart
• against Satan's attacks.  At times we can really tell that we are fighting a spiritual battle - pray against dissension and sickness onboard
• THANK GOD for all my supporters who are making it possible for me to be here!  Did you know???!  I have had enough support come in each month to be fully supported for the past 7 months - 1/4 of my time! 

THANK YOU

for standing in the gap with me in prayer!

During our 14-day Atlantic crossing, this verse came mind:

For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea.  

Habakkuk 2:14

Do you have any idea of how much water there is in the sea???  Enough so that we can sail for days and days and never see land, and can't drop anchor because it's too deep.  That's how much we want people to know about God!