









May 12th. The day that will live in infamy; the date burned in my mind. The day I left home.
Last everythings were over – last night in Dali, last supper, last walk on the dike, last bike ride, last good-byes… last ride on our bus. Am I ready? Ready to leave? Not only Dali, but Hong Kong, and my childhood. I’m leaving the only life I’ve known. It’s over.
"God just gave me ONE LEG THIS WEEK! Go Go Go Electricians! I miss my Buddy the Elevator. -Matthijs" (on crutches from playing sports)
" 'These men who were hired last worked only one hour,' they said, 'and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.'But he answered one of them, 'Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn't you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?' "Matt. 20:12-15
This real-life situation shocked me into thinking - What if I were on the late-worker end of the scale?! - I would sure appreciate Jesus' generosity! The thought that maybe, just maybe, in Jesus' book we are ALL 'late workers,' undeserving of salvation, catapulted me on a journey to find out about Grace."The whole world is starved for grace," Philip Yancey writes in his book What's So Amazing About Grace? I've always thought of grace as forgiveness, actually I relate more to what Lewis Smedes said in a quote; it's more than that: "Guilt was not my problem as I felt it. What I felt most was a glob of unworthiness that I could not tie down to any concrete sins I was guilty of. What I needed more than pardon was a sense that God accepted me, owned me, held me, affirmed me, and would never let go of me even if he was not too much impressed with what he had on his hands." (What's So Amazing About Grace, pg. 36)Grace is getting something you don't deserve.Grace is not fair. It is not logical and it does not make sense. I like to have a reason. But try as I might, two things I have found, are not logical: Love and Grace. They are intertwined (inseparable and interchangeable) because grace is at the core of unconditional love.It is hard for me to accept - if to accept, then to give as well - Grace (and thus, Love). It feels like I need to earn whatever it is I want. I'm too proud when someone extends grace to me.Recently there has been a situation in my life where I want Grace. It is not forgiveness for something I have done; it is something I would like but there is nothing I can do to help myself get it. There is no reason I should get it even. For the first time in my life, I want Grace.The Bible is full of God trying to get the picture of grace across to us. God bestowing on David - adulterer and murderer - the title of "A man after God's own heart." Seriously??? And then the famous Old Testament prophet Hosea, sent to live out an example of God's grace. When Jesus came to earth he tried and tried to help us get the picture: The parable of the prodigal son, the Pharisee and tax collector praying, the servant who was forgiven a huge debt he could never pay, but wouldn't forgive his fellow servant a small debt, and One Denarii."Grace... is a gift that costs everything for the giver, and nothing for the recipient." (pg. 25) In one final amazing act of Grace, Jesus gave the gift of eternal life to a criminal on a cross beside him who had no time left to do anything for him.This lesson of one denarii is helping me see that I shouldn't be jealous when I see others get better than what I think they deserve, because actually... I am the one hour worker who didn't deserve the pay.Jesus wants us to just accept his gift humbly with thankfulness and joy and not belittle the gift that cost him everything by trying to earn it.