Thursday, December 23, 2010

Shock of Return

I am so overwhelmed right now. Coming to the ship in the first place was a very easy adjustment, but for some reason this coming back is really hard! I don't know where to start. I feel like I need to decide, respond, and DO everything RIGHT NOW (including responding to the million e-mails that piled up to swamp me after two weeks gone).
I miss Ben. Chat doesn't work and there's no way to connect with you. I just need to talk. But I can't.
So many people left while I was gone. I don't recognize half the faces in the dining room anymore, cause new people came. And to top it all off, there's a big noise from the engine room in the wall right by my bed! How will I sleep?
The ship doesn't feel "mine" anymore. It feels foreign. I remember living here, in this cabin, in this bed... I put all those pictures on the wall... But now I feel like an outsider looking in - just somehow I got mixed up on the wrong side.
Maybe it is in part due to the season, because I'm not home. But even that is not cut and dry anymore, because I don't know where I would feel most at home.
So I am going to take a shower. And then unpack. Because, after all, I have one month left.

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